My counsellor and I were discussing my last "relationship" in one of our more recent sessions. Nope. Scratch that, we've been discussing it for SEVERAL sessions.
She has coined a term that brings a smile to my face about my relationships. A metaphor of sorts: fly soup.
"You have gotten SO accustomed to being served chunky fly chowder, that when your bowl of
muligatawny arrives and there's a couple of flies in it, you aren't even bothered. You're just relieved it's not chunky fly chowder, so you eat the soup around them. Krystin.... STOP ORDERING FLY SOUP. Stop scooping the random fly out, learn to send the dang bowl back!!!"
Oh thank heavens for humour!
So maybe eight - ten weeks ago, I put a post it note on my bathroom mirror, a reminder that I deserve so much more than fly soup.
It's an important lesson for me, and frankly, I'm slowly struggling with it. Logically, I realize it MUST go hand in hand with my sense of self-worth, but I also think it speaks volumes of relationships past.
My image editions for this week:
In his hand, a flower. But look closely at that flower. It is in fact from a cleaning supply manufacturer. I've written: constructive cooperative contributor across it. I want to have someone in my life who is a willing contributor regardless of the task at hand. Whether it be fundraising for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (that for me is a big one! Love me: love my child. Help find her a cure).
He also has a glass and bottle of wine in his hand. The town that I live in is FULL of twelve-steppers. I wish everyone in recovery the best. If they feel they need to be in recovery, I fully support that. I have tried in the past, dating someone in recovery (once, maybe twice) but it hasn't worked because in their effort to be sober, they want to ME to be sober. Don't get me wrong, I do not have a problem. But I don't mind unwinding at the end of the week with a glass of wine. I do not wish to have the expectations of another pinned around me. Hence the bottle. Accept me for who I am.... come, share a bottle of wine with me. Don't forget to bring flowers! (and leave the flies at home).
I also have a bracelet, and a huuuuuge picture of a diamond ring. I originally cut out a different picture of a ring, but it was too tiny, and I was conscious of what I was putting out there. I don't NEED a monster rock, but I've also never had one. Nor have I known a gentleman who felt the relationship worthy of one. My wedding set from my debunked marriage came from a pawn shop. It was beautiful, and unique, but why did I settle for somebody else's cast off? Yes.... I am referring to both the ring set, and the man himself! :)
Do I need gifts or tokens of affection? No. But would I like to be surprised with one, one day? Sure, let's try that, shall we?
A note in hindsight. I felt it rather appropriate that his hand is right by the doorknob. Yes.... this mate WILL be a gentleman and get the door for me.
On the other side of the male shape, I have added more additions to the holding hands: Michelle and Barrack Obama (a classic example to me of a man embracing and supporting a strong woman), Patrick Swayze and his wife (how could you overlook the loyalty in that love story?)
I've also added a hand written heart shaped post-it note: "Settle our differences peacefully". I have had no incidents of violence or outrage in the time that my children and I have been living just the three of us. I have every intention of keeping it that way. My mate and I WILL settle our differences peacefully.
I added a sugar skull image from Dias De Los Muertos. I have always been fascinated by Mexico's Day of the Dead. One day, my mate, my children and myself will travel to Mexico to take in the celebrations.
Oh and a pasta dish!! Because one day, I will be lucky enough for a mate to prepare dinner for us. Oh good heavens, I will be grateful THAT day!
I have also added an image of a man smiling and talking with a young boy. While there are no boys in my house, the image was so peaceful, so tranquil, so WHAT I yearn for, that it was included.
On the female shape "expect to be treated like a queen" and the image of a couple on a motorcycle. This has been one of my fantasies since the beginning of time. To strap on a helmet, hop on the back of a motorcycle, and take off in a cloud of dust.
As you can tell with the empty space around this statement. I am still struggling with it. But that's alright. I am going to take my time, work with this concept, and in time, fill the space with what that looks like for me.
Thanks very much for popping in to check Project Envision. Wishing you the very best in your own personal journey.
